Wednesday, March 23, 2011


All I want to do is retreat. Retreat, retreat, retreat.

I get this retreat like feeling occasionally, I have had it for as long as I can remember. Sometimes retreating is going to my parents in the country; sometimes I want something else. I guess it depends what I'm retreating from.

I've been doing a 'straight' data entry job for the last 6 weeks now and I am over it, I hope that it will be over shortly. When it was offered to me it was described as about 40 hours over 2 weeks. It's been 6 weeks and nearly 50 hours. About 30 of those hours have been in the last fortnight. It's no wonder I am tired and wanting to step back...

The work is not too difficult, it's just a bit tedious, I like to minimise tedious in my life and maximise the creative and enjoyable stuff (it's essential for healing/balance). The job's been handy and a blessing really, so don't get me wrong, I'm not griping about having work. It's just that it's made me really aware of easily I get tired, it has actually been a major factor in me having a burn out type experience of late. However it is good to know where I'm at, even though it feels disappointing.

It's also had an impact on how regularly I write here and on Inner Beam. I love to write, some people go a bit nuts when they don't exercise...others (me) go a little crazy if they don't get their quota of words down on the page. Not only is it not good for me, it plays on my mind and I feel kinda slack. But after the mediocrity of the straight job I am often left feeling tired, not so inspired and I just get on with 'what must be done' eg. cooking, cleaning, shopping, puppy love (incase you hadn't heard, I have a puppy).

Oscar and his proud Mum
 So I am seriously looking at retreating, I feel that time spent amongst the trees would be invaluable, I need space from any 'demands' on my time and energy, I need to just 'be' with myself and be nurtured. I am in recovery and I am feeling it! I am not, however, feeling like I am making alot of progress in recent weeks; infact they have been bloody tough.

Stay tuned on the retreat thing, I am booked in to go spend some time at a beautiful healing space amongst trees in April; if the opportunity arrives earlier (fingers crossed) I will be disappearing sooner than later. Just from the phone call with the woman who runs the place I got a great feeling, she sounded gentle and lovely. I'd like to have me some of that :-)

'Til next time we meet,


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