Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Is 'I don't know' the new black?

So I decided it's about time I blogged, apart from the fact that I feel like writing, I also think it's about time I did. I have been out wandering in my local suburb, enjoying the sun, stopping for a bit to eat and feeling increasingly inspired. As I sat at lunch, on my own, which funnily enough has become one of my favourite things to do; I observed two women sharing some documents that had patches of colour on them. They appeared to be doing some kind of creative business, they also seemed to be friends. I liked how it looked, two creative women having a really good time and doing business. I observed something inside saying 'I want some of that', I also recognised that it's something I have experienced before. I like how it used to feel, spending time with a friend/colleague sharing ideas and inspiration, I like how it feels when I think about it being a part of my future.

Perhaps my opening paragraph seems general or a little vague, but that's ok, right? It's ok to sometimes just sit with thoughts, feelings and impressions without having to summise or make conclusions. This is one of the ways we can allow things to unfold organically, rather than forcing, pushing, over thinking. This is exactly how my blog posts are written, it's why I often begin with a pretty vague and open paragraph, because I really have little clue what I'm going to write, I just let it flow and at the end I am often surprised at what I've written. I usually think, oh ok, not what I thought I might write, but obviously what I needed to. I think they call it automatic writing. I've been practising this 'allowing' lately, just allowing myself to experience things as they are, to do a little research and then just sit with it, go with the flow. All of this is about how the next little while is going to unfold for me and the direction I'll take when it comes to work, to life. I'm starting from scratch, I've recently moved to a new suburb, I have no job and my health is not yet strong enough for me to look for work. What am I to do but dream a little?

I don't have any definitive answers to the question posed by others which is something like 'what now?' or 'what will you do for work?'. I'm glad to only have ideas though, rather than being freaked out by the unknown I am truly embracing it. Consequently others might be a little freaked themselves. I recognise that they themselves would be worried if they were in my situation, but what they don't know is that this is how I roll...or at least how I'd like to. It's sort of hard to explain this to someone who's never really contemplated this type of an aproach to their future.

I have some visions and impressions of how things could be, they're developing as I write- as I stroll in the sun and as I speak to inspired people. I have ideas on how I'll make my visions become reality, but I'm in the brainstorming phase right now, and we can't rush a creative process. My intention since I've been unwell is that my life will never be the same again, that things won't look or be the same. It's no surprise that a creative process is essential to support my intentions to come into fruition.

I won't deny that it would be nice to give a confident and concrete answer when the question of 'what are you going to do?' is posed because that would make things easy in the moment the question is asked. But it would also mean disregarding my wise one and disappointing my heart, consequently dampening my Inner Beam; which in the long run just creates sickness and misery. So I think that 'I don't know' just became the new black, and we all know that black can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion.

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